Lives We Don’t Need to Escape


I bought an expensive bathing suit, and because it felt so fancy~schmancy, I asked Favorite Daughter to take pics of me in it. Looking over the photos, I find it validating that Favorite Daughter captured how healthy I feel.

I like my new bathing suit, but more than anything, I love this extraordinary time in my life where I’m happy, and healthy, and well, and loved. My “Mari tank” is filled with things that make me proud.

There are many things I’ve done to get to where I am today. One of the greatest ideas I had, when I was at my lowest, was to do thing, after thing, after thing, that made ME proud.

In order to get to this life I love so much, I became discerning about things I did that made me unhappy. I quit doing things I didn’t want to do, or things I felt I was doing for the wrong reasons: I am honest with myself about my reasons for doing things and vigilant about not doing anything to win anyone over. I never accept invitations or agree to do things I don’t feel are right for me, or for my family.

Another big step, for a feisty girl like me, was learning the grace to not accept invitations to argue with others. We don’t have to show up to every fight we’re invited to. We can simply RSVP with “REGRETS, sorry, not available.” #sorrynotsorry

Our society is changing age old paradigms; we’re finally realizing that old recovery programs designed for privileged narcissistic white males (to bring them down a notch, to humble them, to render them powerless) is not what a woman—especially a Latina like me—nor what most people without privilege, need.

We don’t need to be brought down; we don’t need to be told we’re powerless. It’s exactly that feeling of powerlessness that has overwhelmed us.

Many of us have been beaten down, which has led us to lives we feel the need to escape, and self-medicate from.

We need to be built up.

From the rock bottom ground up.

Then create lives full of who. we. really. are. Lives, we never EVER need to escape from.

Because who you really are, at your core, is not someone you need to leave or escape.

And we need to accept that anyone—no matter how much we love them, or think we can’t live a day without—who wants to ”humble” us, projects that we’re “too much,” or “not enough”, or acts like kryptonite to us, has no place in our newly forming lives.

Only then, can we begin addressing the diet, the exercise program, getting off the couch, getting off the carbs, not needing a glass of wine—or cocktail—every. single. night. Or the need to chase material things to fill deep empty wells, and why we chase people who don’t have the capacity to love us back, and so many false parts of ourselves that only seek to continually break us down.

Let’s stop breaking our own hearts.

If you want to begin the process of building yourself back up, do something that makes you proud; something that requires work and effort. Do this as you deal with that thing you need to give up—sugar, carbs, wine, crazy men, shopping, Keeping Up with The Jones, trying to please insatiable people, or WHATEVER it is that keeps breaking your heart.

Maybe what makes you proud is breaking a sweat on a three-mile walk. Or spending an afternoon with that elderly person and letting them beat you at Scrabble. Or serving food to the homeless. Or helping build something for someone else. Or cleaning that corner of your garage that’s been making you feel like a hoarder.

Whatever it is, using your credit card doesn’t count. Don’t do this step with the intention of impressing another. Impress YOURSELF. Make yourself proud. You must expend physical energy, and do work that means something to YOU because that will fill your tank with YOU.

I still struggle to work, while sitting at my desk, without a pastry to nibble on when stressful things happen—which is almost every hour when you’re in a responsible position. I could sure use that little dopamine hit, to relax me a bit, to absorb my discomfort. But when I’ve done enough things that make me proud, I have some of me in the tank to draw strength from.

I hope you do something that makes you proud, and that you fill your tank with YOU.


#massiveweightloss #girlswholift #fiftyandfabulous #mariperry #lchf #latinasfantasticas

One thought on “Lives We Don’t Need to Escape

  1. Oh Mari!!

    This is so beautiful sweet friend and I am so grateful in life that Instagram had our paths converge. I know it was no accident.

    You are such an inspiration. Thank you. As I sit reading this with tears streaming down my face.- I’m filled with gratitude. For your wisdom and for you!

    Big hugs and love.


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